I wanted to go see him for the last time. I did not. I could not. I thanked those who gave me the particulars about his death and the location to the funeral, then proceeded to block them from my life forever. Why? I'm not sure, really...
I wonder if anyone can identify with my topic today. It is completely raw and definitely real. I hold nothing back here, for while the universe moves and things take place that coordinate with birthing, growing, and dying, we cannot help but be affected by these physical courses in our metaphysical psyches.
So here is the premise to my blog: I believe that every traumatic loss makes room for a change in one's emotional identity, and in fact, the experience MUST cause a change for the better, or it will cripple one for life. Hence, while the loss may affect many, we can only surmise for ourselves the significance of it, thereby theorizing its significance in the overall purpose of life. Because, after all, we are ALL connected, and what happens to one, happens to another and another and another, and eventually affects us all.
But let us think a moment: WHAT qualifies as a traumatic loss? Is it different for different people? Do people define it differently? Or is it the same, but people are on various levels of understanding that the event does not register at the specific time, or perhaps NEVER registers. Those people also never change, either for the better or otherwise. There really is a difference here. I will try and explain the nuance through my observations and experiences.
At the risk of sounding clinical, I have observed others--as well as myself--then watched how people changed during the course of time thereafter, ESPECIALLY myself. After years of watching and after including my own experiences and entering them into my personal data, I realize certain principles about life and people. Two things stand out to me: in order for an event to qualify as a traumatic loss, it has to be so significant that those who it affects display a contradictory behavior from their "normal" behavior, after having experienced it. Secondly, the questionable behavior has to affect others most likely close to the person who was initially affected. Once these two phenomena occur it is evident that a traumatic event has happened--but I called it a "loss." why? Let me explain. A traumatic event is similar to a fire, which, when it occurs destroys matter around it. But is the matter really destroyed? Or, does it merely change form--from matter to matter?
I have to stop now, because I am exhausted with emotional traumatic effect. But do not think I have given up on my assertion, for it will take me a few annotated pages before I'm finished with this particular topic. Therefore, tomorrow I will continue this assertion of today, attempting to coordinate the emotions to the laws of Thermodynamics, defined as this:
"The Law of Thermodynamics: