Freud's Couch

Freud's Couch

Copywriter - Lydia Nolan, Author,

November 14, 2011

Is it so hard to ask for you to hear me? 

Are your ears numb already from all the hearing that you can no longer take in? 
What sadness that we are numb from our aches and pains of listening, yet not balancing ourselves in hearing and speaking....the cure? RESPOND in a thoroughly intelligent way! But there's more: that means hearing has to be authentic, and listening should be so well done that you are capable of paraphrasing fully what you heard.


The trouble with the entire world today, in regards to communications, is that the world of 8 billion people are used to appearing as though they are listening, but really not listening to others, thereby unable to respond with sincerity, and when, or if they do respond, they are so inept at it, they resolve to reaction rather than response, in a flippant, aggressive tone, which means that their listening is suspect. It is enough to drive people crazy! Lots of verbal noise, but no meaning. Hence, the abuse of words altogether, rendering them useless for many, resulting in resolving to fights, wars, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse.


Men and Women: have you ever had a partner, spouse, girl or boy friend, or acquaintance, WHATEVER you wish to call it. Have you ever had one that when you politely gave a piece of your mind, or perhaps gave a scenario of something that was disturbing your peace, or perhaps you said something expecting a response, and all you got was a BLANK STARE!!!?


Yes! A blank face, stare, person looking about as if you never said anything! What is WRONG with this person! Are they retarded in the practice of communications? THAT is what I would think...


I was married to a man for 25 years who had that problem. I would speak a concern, and he would stare out into the open universe as though he had not heard a word I said, or he would continue doing something, never responding. When I had enough and left the home, he came after me seeking to repair our marriage and suddenly, guess what? Right. He had learned how to speak!!! But more than that, he learned how to listen, so he COULD respond. Once I came home though, he regressed to that empty shell of a human partner. It is now 37 years and I do not know why I stayed, I think mostly for my child. But now I'm old, and broken down emotionally, I can hardly fathom the thoughts I try to conjure to create a reason for my getting out of bed in the morning; my separate bed in a separate room... sad.


Now, this dear person is beginning to show signs of the illness again....what happened? 


I think what happens is that people have a tendency to become ungrateful. They don't care anymore abut being alive and having others around them. As soon as they lose appreciation for life and people, they lose interest in other people's concerns and attend to their own interests at the expense of showing interest in others. 


Put someone on an island by themselves and you will see how quickly they miss others and desperately want to hear and speak to them again. 


I can only speak about my own shortcomings. I need to figure out what it is I need, in order to make me feel valid and "heard." It isn't necessarily someone else I need but something inside of myself that I need, in order to feel some kind of validation. How does one validate oneself without somehow touching the outer sphere of humanity? Perish the thought!


A while back there was this very cute little movie called "Validation." 

It was "A fable about a parking attendant who 
gives his customers REAL validation -- dispensing both free parking and free compliments." 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0986272/


The most important thing I took away from that cute little movie was the fact that people need to feel validated by listening, by having sincere concern and interest in what they are saying, and responding to them in such a way that they feel you truly cared about them. This means (admittedly, sadly) that we all need each other, sort of like ants need their other ants to help them move crumbs around or build a castle in the sane...ooops! I meant sand...did I say sane?


Meantime, all of us need to believe that those we love care about what we have to say, and not only those we love but human beings in general, even if it doesn't look like it. 


Whether we care to admit or not, we love other people at some point. Just see what happens when a disaster hits, and you will see how quickly we all love each other, and how quickly we listen and we speak with sincerity. So just pretend you are living under a death threat or that you are in the midst of a disaster, and then you might start listening  and responding with love and interest to everyone. Do I have to pay someone to listen to me, lie down and just yak, yak, yak, while the bill is being filled? No sir, let's do it right. It really does take a village. 

Freud's Couch? Uhm....no.